For many years I have spent more time then I am willing to admit angry at my husband. He is very good at remembering the first day we talked on the phone, the day we meet, where we ate and things like that, but he does not keep a schedule of his daily events and he is constantly making plans, even after I tell him we have plans.
For me it is easy, I am told a date and I remember it. I even write it on the wall calendar as well as schedule it in my phone, but I truly just remember it 85% of the time.
When I have confronted him before, many times, he just says, “I just forgot, what do you want me to do about it…it is what it is?” After many arguments and bad feelings towards the situation I have come up with something that so far seems to be working…most of the time.I used to text him and e-mail him dates and times. He would read it once and forget about it. I would write on the wall calendar, but he never looked at it and still doesn’t. He is a typical man and is very gadget oriented and is constantly playing games and videos on his phone. I LOVE how android has the Google calendar linked within the phone because this has been a life changer for us.
Now I go onto Google calendar and under his Gmail account I put in his scheduled things he needs to remember. This way they are automatically linked to his phone calendar. I put alerts in where I think he will need it. One alert may be for a week before, the next the day before or hours before or on time. I even put in my birthday, valentine’s day, first date anniversary etc. and I chose alerts that would give him time to think about something nice to bring home.
I had to get over being mad at him for not remembering. The old movies where the guy would just think about things because the woman wanted him too are a HOAX! It is not usually because the man is not thinking about you, he just has man genes and they don’t think like us women. So instead of getting mad at him for not remembering, I am taking the initiative to make him remember. This way I am allowed to get mad because he is reminded.
Now it is not all roses and sunshine. I do have to battle with him checking his calendar before he makes dates but I have changed this process too. Instead of always backing down and being the one to clean up the mess I have had to stand up for myself and say…”You chose not to check your phone and now you are in a mess. Plans are made and now what are you going to do with the kids, or your other appointment, or whatever else he scheduled.” I don’t give in anymore.
I do tell him the day I put in an event that I put it in his phone and he needs to check it. Of course he forgets but hopefully with me doing the above he will get into this habit and he knows he can even add events into my Google calendar as well. It goes both ways.
It is better, not perfect, but better.
How do you cope with schedules and the man?