I truly hate payday. This may sound funny to some but I bet most of you understand why I say that! I always have knots in stomach, grinding teeth issues and really start to dislike my husband as it always ends up in a fight.
He does not “do” the bills, I have to. If I let him then he spends first, and bills last, and then we end up with disconnect notices and extra fees to get things turned on. His favorite phrase is “what can be delay in paying so we can “X?” Really??? No way in hell I am delaying a bill so we can play.
I always have to be the NO person and it really wears on our relationship big time.
This is my observation on why we fight every pay day.
When you raise kids to be clueless about money and finances then it escalates for them to be clueless in their adult life and then we as parents wonder why. I think that if you teach them when they are young so they can understand how to budget, pay bills, and spend money the right way, then maybe this will cause them to grow up with a frame of mind to pay the bills first.
What I am doing to change and take the stress out and it is starting to work.
I am Taking myself out of being the “NO” person and making my spouse more accountable instead. I say “I will not tell you yes or no…you know our situation, I share it with you, you have to make yourself accountable. Mind you this really pisses him off but it has helped. See he is one that likes decisions made for him…all the damn time…and when I don’t make it, it just fuels his fire.
I have notebook of bills. The computer spreadsheet no longer works for me. The notebook is always open to the previous payday with what is left on the top of the page. I use a pencil so I can update it daily. If he doesn’t look at it it is now his problem and he knows that as he has been reminded many times.
Now it is out in the open, so instead of him saying “where does our money go?” He can see whenever he wants. He would and still does not ever log into our bank account online so the old school way works for us.
Now he rarely asks and when he does he quickly corrects himself and tells me he can look. Funny thing is he doesn’t look. He just does not hound me anymore cuz he knows what my response will be.
One day paying bills will not seem to hurtful, but for today, it is a bit, so this is how we have to handle it in our house. I just don’t give into being so upset anymore and it is what it is for now. Taking the fight out of pay day just might help take some of my weight off more because we know stress equals weight gain and I am done plateauing at this last 20 pounds. I am pretty sure it is hanging on do to stress.
Anyone else have any ideas on how to handle stress in the house? I would love to hear them!
Peace!
Tawna
My first Husband was a pain in the ass. He wanted pocket money that we didn’t have. One day we got into a Huge fight about money. I went and got the billes, check book…. everything and handed it over. Let him worry about a roof over our heads and where the next meal was coming from. Eventually he wanted me to take over and do the bills again because he could not handle it.
We ended up divorced (not because of this) and he still has money issues and problems. So…. who knows what you should do. Maybe you can let him try it for a couple of months and see if he does any better. Be a lot less stress on you and maybe it will stop him from wanting to play with no money.