Something I have had a real hard time learning, and still am learning, is that over scheduling yourself to the point that you cannot keep up with your life is not a selfless act but really a selfish act. That may sound harsh, but it is my belief. Let me explain…
The idea that a lot of us (including me) get into our head is that we have to do everything we are asked in order to be liked or productive. However, this can have the opposite impact on our life. From my past experience of over scheduling myself, I have come to realize that I may:
- Piss more people off than I help.
- Ignore my families needs.
- Ignore my own needs.
- Start to dislike those that I commit to.
- Resent those I am helping.
- Get into a lot of drama.
Not all of this happens every time but for me these start into a domino effect when I get myself into too much.
I learned the hard way that I was being selfish and not helping. How int he world could someone be selfish when they want to give to others? Well it is easy really. When you think that you are, oh so important that you are the only one that can do anything, than that is selfish. When you have to hurt or neglect others in your life to become a people pleaser, that is selfish. Now…not ever doing anything for anyone is also selfish. The point of this is to realize your worth and what you CAN give and not what you think you should give.
People have come to respect me more and I resent them less when I only do what I feel I need to do. There are many times I pay it forward and help others and I feel good. It is when it stops feeling good and feeling forced that I have to step back and quit a little.
I don’t ever want my family to feel they are less then someone else in my life. My family needs to come first. If I cannot donate my time or money because it will affect my family then I won’t do it and I won’t feel bad about it.
Some of the things that have happened to me since I have started this type of behavior are as:
- Gaining more respect because I am pleasing those I help because I have time to follow through.
- Not letting my family feel less important.
- Less stress and more willingness to help others.
- MUCH less drama
- Losing those friends that only call when they need something (this should be #1 ACTUALLY).
- A happier me with a better positive vibe around me all the time.
- Less negativity, fighting, and hate in my life.
I could go on-and-on. The things is that I did this way too late. I should have started this journey years ago. I would have avoided friend conflicts, bitch sessions, and many days of crying and drama filled days.
Now that I have made this change I do feel like I am a better person that is no longer being guilty of being codependent and my relationships are better and stronger and filled with people that will help me and not hinder me.