True words spoken, by me, many times. You know the time when you are single and young and you know more than the parents around you? Yes, I know exactly how I would be as a parent. I would be patient and I definitely wouldn’t be caught dead in a public place with a screaming child. Don’t parents know how to keep their kids calm and quiet? Yes, I was the 20 something judging you in the corner table of the restaurant while you kid threw food all over the floor.
Then came the books, all the books. When I was pregnant I read a good load of books. I was sure to have this parent thing under 100% control now. I knew everything I needed to know to do everything right and perfect! If you would have asked me, at that time, I knew it all.
I have to admit that my first child was pretty perfect. She was calm and sweet and barely cried. She slept through the night at 3-months (12 hours at a time) and has always slept through the night. It was the three of us and while my husband was at work, we ruled the world. Life was perfect and I had it going on.
Then something happened. My child got older and this sassy little princess started to test me. No worries though I had all my experience of parent judgment in my 20’s and even more experience reading about it. Bring it on little sass monster, bring it on! But wait…none of this sh$@ works. What, wait…the books lied, they all lied! Why is my perfect little princess yelling and crying at me in the grocery store over a can of olives I took out of her hand and put back on the shelf. Wait! Give it back, NO that didn’t work either…OMG everyone is looking at me wth! Who are you little devil and what have you done with my sweet child! This is the time I grab her from the cart and run out crying and sobbing…”why oh why!”
We take a few days off of the grocery store and decide that it is time my little angel go back because you know that had to only be a onetime embarrassment.
Let me go back into the past for a minute. Back when I was about 21 years old. I was at the grocery store and a lady in front of me had a child sitting in the main part of the cart and was checking out groceries and washing poop off everything while she was checking out. She was mortified and needless to say I was GROSSED out. I would never let that happen to me, no way.
Back to my trip…yes you see where this is going.
My little princess was sitting in her brand new pink fur coat, pink tights, beautiful pink dress and hair all done up nice with a nice big pink bow. This girl could have been on the toddler runway. I had shopped for the good part of an hour and the cart was loaded with a couple hundred dollars’ worth of groceries. I stepped to the front of the cart and could see me darling princess and this look that I Have never seen before came over her face. I stood there as if time stood still and in an epic slow motion movie real I watched a beautiful pink child turn some shade of greenish blue and throw up all over every piece of food in my cart. OMG! I was frozen! What do I do now? I am the lady, oh my! I am the lady washing poop off of her grapes, nooooo!
It just so happened that I was in the isle down from the customer service desk. Luckily I was the only one in the isle however, the older customer service lady (older than me is all I know) must have had kids either previously or now, because she darted up to me like the Flash and said, “just take her and go, you are fine, I got this!” I looked at her in disbelief and she said, “Really it’s OK, just take that precious thing home and get her better.” I grabbed my daughter and headed out fast!
We made it home and my little greenish blue princess was bright pink again in a new pink outfit and was feeling top notch. Apparently she just needed to puke all over the groceries that day to feel better. Needless to say it took me about 3 months to shop back in that store. I drove an extra 5 miles to the other grocery for a while and when I did shop again my daughter went to my in-laws.
For all you youngsters and new parents that think (know) that you have it all tougher, this post is for you. Enjoy the time when you know it all because as you age and the older you get, you realize more and more that you don’t know squat and we are all learning how to know it all together. After 2-kids I realize I don’t know a darn thing! Every day sparks something new for us!
Happy Parenting!