When I was younger life seemed a lot less stressful. Of course it was, I was a kid. However, I don’t believe that is very normal anymore. Kids are in so much stuff, including mine, and now I am starting to worry that they are doing too much and not being kids enough. That is for another post. This post is about how my stress effected my household.
I never was a believer in ADHD. I honestly thought it was a bad excuse for parents that were too busy to train their child. Then I had a son, whom I love dearly, however, that boy has the most energy of anyone I have ever met. Could ADHD be real?!
It all goes back to that 20-something girl that knew everything. I knew how I was going to parent and be perfect at it. Just teach your kids to listen, come on people! ADHD isn’t a real thing!
My son, from the day he was born, requires a whole lot less downtime then the rest of the house. He never napped and if he did it was literally 20-minutes. This was a hard adjustment since I was coming off of a three and a half year high from my first born that slept 12 hours straight. I could walk in the store with my 3-year-old daughter and she would not leave my side. My son however, OMG he was running and hiding and freaking me out. That boy would slide into the toilet paper rolls at the grocery. He would hide in the clothing racks of the malls. He would run like his life depended on it, all while laughing the entire time because Mommy was chasing him. Did I teach him to listen and do what Mommy says? Of course I did, but that did not faze him one bit.
When he started school I have to admit I was relieved. I needed a break from the energy during the day. I was also tired and needed a long overdue nap! From the time he was born, along with the no naps, he would sleep from about 11-12 at night till 6 am. School was a welcoming blessing.
His first week of school went OK. The only issue I had was that he cried and didn’t want to go. But, the teacher had all good things to say. Then he got comfortable and everything changed. He couldn’t keep still. He made noises all day long. He would stand up and walk around during the teachers lessons. He was acting out. My kid acting out, but wait…I taught him right so what is this behavior?! After a couple years of struggles and many, many messages and meetings with the teachers and administration I decided it was time to get him tested for behavior disorders. Of course within the first few minutes of the test the lady looked at me and says, “Before I send in my notes and get you an official evaluation, I will tell you that your boy does have some level of ADHD.” DEFEAT, which is all I could think of. How could this be? ADHD isn’t real…is it?
504’s, IEP’s you name it we were doing it all. Some of these things did help and some didn’t. However, now that I was aware that it is a real thing, there have been many things I have had to change. I have to say that the ONE major thing I did that made the biggest change, and hard to admit, was me. Here was a typical morning before everything started going better.
Wake up.
-Me: Constantly yelling and stressed because we have to be out-the-door in 30-40 minutes.
“Get dressed kids, come on, what is taking so long?” “Do you want to be late every day?!”
-Meanwhile son is mad and crying and telling me he hates everything and school and to quit rushing him. My daughter was ready and downstairs in 10-minutes.
-Me: “No one wants to get up earlier, we all like our sleep, and you just got to hurry up.”
At this point we were in the car with one pissed off kid, and he would go into school mad. There were a couple days he acted out and hit a couple kids because he was frustrated.
After we started to learn more about what was going on with him it was time “I” started making some changes and quick. I learned a few tricks here and there from older kids with ADHD. They are so willing to talk to you and gave me the best advice.
Changes we made were:
-Get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning. Yes this was hard for me, not my son. We would take 5-mutes and cuddle in bed before he had to get up.
-Even though it was a uniform school I would help him pick his clothes out and lay them out and he we would dress (even underwear, socks and shoes).
-Have breakfast ready when he came down from dressing. It would take him 15-20 minutes to dress. I had to let him take that time. He would eat and was calm. I was calm…tired, but calm.
-Give him time to sit and cuddle with me on the couch after teeth brushed and book bag assembling. If I told him that I would cuddle him after he brushed his teeth he would brush his teeth rather quickly.
-Tell him 10—minutes before we actually wanted to leave to get his coat on.
This made ALL the difference in the world. No, not every day was perfect but most days were. This was changes I made, not anyone else but me. I calmed down and figured out what he needed to function and he calmed down and was able to function.
A big thing I noticed was the behavior change in school as well. I also implemented a “Freezie Friday” for weeks he stayed on green for at least 3 of the 5-days a week. A freezie is a cold icy sugary beverage and so worth it once a week because for him this deal worked for his entire 2nd grade year. There was only 2-3 weeks out of the entire year that he did not earn it. He would start talking about it on Monday and by Friday he was ready, even if it was 10 degrees outside. This was the best $1 I spent all week!
Of course, we have had to learn a lot of things and make lots of changes. We are not perfect and we do not always do the right thing the first time. I will say, for sure, that the changes I made in myself were the best and fastest positive changes we saw.
ADHD is real, but how we handle it is a choice we have to make. This was a choice I had to learn the hard way, and I am still learning!
Happy Parenting!