Today is mine and my husbands 6th anniversary. It is a very special day indeed for many reasons and it is also the hardest day of the year.
Three years ago on this day in 2008 we had a beautiful baby boy which we named Brayden. We loved hims so much and we got to enjoy him for an hour before he left hits world and became our very special Angel. I was 23 weeks and 3 days pregnant the day he was born so we knew it was a long shot that we would be able to keep him on earth with us, and we did not win that battle.
Every day we think of him so every day I yearn to hold him again but March 26 is the hardest indeed as I can not help but think “I should be throwing a big birthday party today for my son.” Then the tears flow and so many motions beyond belief come crashing down on me. this is truly the hardest day for me to stay on y positive journey.
I have so much guilt when I feel sad because if Brayden would have stayed with us, then we would not have our wonderful baby boy Brahnan. We knew we wold stop at two children and if Brayden would have lived then Brahnan would never have been born. I could never imagine not having him and this eats at me when I yearn for my first son. It is an ongoing roller coaster that is seriously impossible to get off of, so it seems.
I am grateful every day for all three of my children. My daughter knows about her brother as we have never thought to keep it from her. so today’s decision takes it toll…..Should we celebrate his birthday today?
My daughter has been wanting to make a cake and sing happy birthday to her brother in heaven. She is always very sincere when she talks about him and this is something I just did not know if I could do or not. I have had a handful of friends in my life, which have gone through this same experience, and they tell me that they celebrate their child’s birthday every year as it makes the day more of a celebration than a mournful one.
I have the ingredients out to make a cake and I jsut don’t know if I have it in my today to do it. I am trying, but it is the hardest moment for me in my life and I am trying desperately to find the strength to celebrate today.
Anyway, it has helped to sit down and write it out. I am not sure what today’s outcome will bring. I know for a fact that I am blessed and that I am lucky to have three kids to love! I jsut wish all three were healthy and here for me to smother with hugs and kisses and joy!
Have a great day everyone!
Oh, I'm so sorry! 🙁 My mom lost my brother after a few hours when I was almost 2 years old. But now I have 2 sisters and a brother that I never would have had. I'm sure it's hard to see, but I believe everything happens for a reason. I'm sure he is looking down and smiling on you every anniversary. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story. It is filled with so much emotion, that I cried too. Time does help ease the pain but it never erases your memories. Lots of your readers offered good advice and it is heart-warming to know that others care and are there for you. I lost my younger brother to Cystic Fibrosis so I can relate to your family's sorrow. I will keep your family in my prayers.
God bless
Hugs!
Marcia
Your story breaks my heart.
Have a Blessed Day dear Tawna !
Mihaela
Tawna,
What a powerful and emotional journey that you are going on. Thank You for sharing. I am glad to read that you were able to bake the cake. Even though it is true I myself have never lost a child, I do know the feeling of loss. My mother passed away in 2004. I take flowers and a balloon to celebrate special holidays including her birthday. I release the balloon into the air and celebrate with her. Take little steps and in time the grieving will be easier to deal with.
Bless you for sharing such a personal story.
HUGS,
Your Newest follower Melissa
Thanks for eveyone who took the time to post their caring words to me! I really needed them.
Thank you for also sharing your similar stories. That is why we are here, for support, and I felt that with all the wonderful comments.
We DID bake a cake and I tried real hard to sing with the family and I broke down and had to go to the bathroom. I am still glad we did it, it was hard, but he did deserve a celebration.
I will admit though that I can't eat the cake. It is in the cake holder, with 4 small pices cut out of it and I won't cut into it again. I guess it served it purpose but I just can't cut into it again. May seem silly to some but can't deny the way I feel.
Have a wonderful sunday everyone!
Sending my love back to each and every one of you!
Tawna
I can only imagine what sharing this day with two such momentous events is like. I hope you're able to find a piece of the day to just enjoy your husband in it, because you two deserve a day to celebrate each other. Thinking of you.. 🙂
I know this situation is a *little* different – but Wednesday (March 23) was my mothers birthday. It was her third birthday in heaven. She passed away on April 24, 2008. She never met my son who was born that October. He's 2 1/2 now. He knows "Nana" because of the picture that has been in his room since he was born. He knows when we go to the cemetery that we are there to see "Nana". So, Wednesday, I explained that it was Nana's birthday (we've been to several birthday parties this month so he gets "birthday". So we sang Happy Birthday to Nana's picture.
I think it's good to celebrate those that we love even if they are no longer here with us.
I take new flowers and balloons to my mother's grave every year on her birthday because it's the only "birthday gift" I can give.
Your story breaks my heart. I can't imagine what you are going through today.
I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes, but I think that many times in these situations we set expectations for ourselves that aren't really necessary.
If you don't feel like baking that cake- don't bake it- and make some time for yourself this weekend to nurture yourself.
Hope that helps-
Hugs,
Nancy
Awwww… BUG HUGS to you!!! You should celebrate with a cake!
Thank you for sharing, it must not have been easy to do. It is a good thing that you are not alone.
Awww. . . hugs to you! I agree, you should bake the cake. Thinking of you!
You should go ahead and celebrate this day with your children. Turn this into a happy day so that Every year you can look forward to celebrating him. I had to learn that after many years. I lost my dad when I was six. The anniversery of his death and his birthday were hard days but we began to make them about remembering good things about him and baking cakes for him.
Celebrate His life and that he made an impact on yours.
Have a Blessed Day!!