Redirecting my nervous energy.

I am gearing up to head out of the country, to Canada, to visit my Aunt. Sadly it will be the last time I see her and I am absolutely heart broken about it.

For the first couple of days I sat and cried, and cried, and cried. I felt horrible, of course, and I really believe I needed that couple of days, but now it is time to be happy and think  of all the wonderful things I have had with her.

She is an amazing person and has influenced me a lot in so many positive ways. She is an Author, a Mother, an Aunt, and just an all around wonderful person.

So as I sit back and look at the past year and a half on my journey to health I realize that making my nervous energy, while I wait to see her, to keep me up, instead of down, is going to be key.I believe we all need some time to grieve and be upset, that is normal. I am still upset and still grieving however I am not letting myself sit and rot and get deeper and deeper. Plus there is no way my Aunt would want this either. So I have been taking all this nervousness and putting it to good use. Meaning, I am getting a lot of things done, that have been on my plate for a long time. Especially the clutter cleaning.

I found that the first couple days, when things seemed impossible, that I was not very pleasant to be around. I was moody and downright bitchy. I have found now, since my decision to redirect my energy, that I have been a lot more pleasant to be around.

Of course I am not happy about the current situation but I am finding myself remembering the good and happy times with my Aunt and not focusing on what lies ahead. Of course when it is all said and done, which is soon, I will have to force myself to think this way again.

Aunt J: I am gong to miss you so much. I am going to miss our Sunday skypes and all our talks, and rook card playing. There are so many things I am going to miss and most of all I am just going to miss YOU! I am eager for tomorrow to see you and really hope that I get a few minutes alone with you to tell you this in person. I LOVE YOU!

Tawna